Seductive Fear

Sometime ago I began reading fictional stories again as a way to engage my imagination and keep it alive. I've discovered that the philosophies of the authors come through the stories and find that certain authors I find philosophically intriguing. This past week I was finishing a series my brother-in-law recommended I read and part of the book caused me to stop and reread it a dozen times. I was fascinated by the description of fear that one character gave to another and I would like to share those words with you below.


We all experience fear throughout our lives. The only difference is in how we each respond to it. Raymond E. Feist, in his book The Kings Buccaneer, gives a very different view of fear than I think is commonly held. We normally see our fears as horrible, ugly, scary things and the way he describes it nothing is further from the truth. He describes them as lovely and seductive, which you will see as you read his words below.


"Men love their fears. That is why they hold onto them so tightly... Fear isn't a terrible-looking thing but something lovely and seductive." pg 162-163


"Fear holds us and binds us and keeps us from growing. It kills a small piece of us each day. It holds us to what we know and keeps us from what's possible, and that is our worst enemy. Fear doesn't announce itself; it's disguised, and it's subtle. It's choosing the safe course; most of us feel we have rational reasons to avoid taking risks. The brave man is not he one without fear but the one who does what he must despite being afraid. To succeed, you must be willing to risk total failure; you must learn this..." pg 155


"Something in you holds you to your fear, something in you binds it to you as a mother or lover. You must confront that fear and banish it; you must embrace it and let it devour you. Only then will you know your fear; only then can you hear yourself." pg 156


***Italics added***

Simplicity in Motion

I am going to Spain carrying less than I would take out into the wilderness to survive for a week at work in the summer. An Anasazi summer pack is quite small and this summer I know I will be taking less than most anyone else I know would take for a week... It is liberating to say the least... with less luggage what concerns do I have - what limitations in where I may go - very few...

As we make decisions in our lives it is as if the whole world moves to accommodate us. If we sit on the fence and wait for every blade of grass to be in the proper place before we step down from the fence and begin our walk we will be there for a long time. It is only as we move that the world around us begins to move with us, around us, and at times even against us. If we do not move everything around us continues on it's way with little mind that we would walk in a given direction. If we do not sow we shall not reap... if we do not act we cannot become... if we do not attempt we cannot achieve... 

The world does not accommodate wishes but dreams in action. If you envision something and then set out to achieve it you will be surprised at the opportunities and experiences which will unfold before you. They will be comprised of people, places, things, thoughts, and ideas that sitting at home would never have crossed your mind as possible but in the reality of motion they become possible. It may not happen as you thought it would, or even at all, but it will be a rich and magical experience to the one walking the path. It is as in dance - the power and passion of dance is not in the logical thought-out predefinition of every step but in the passionate motion of the dancers and their oneness with one another. Yes we must plan out what will occur but we must also be willing to go with the steps as they come naturally to us. We must be able to start the dance of life and then adjust as our partners change, the tempo increases or decreases. We must be able to respond to the music we hear. It has been said that we all march to the beat of a different drummer. What is the beat of your drummer and where is it taking you?

Tonight I fly out of Phoenix to NYC, up to DC, and then on to Spain. I have drastically simplified my life in previous weeks and find life without all the possessions which have surrounded me for so long quite liberating. I have learned and experienced that over time our possessions come to possess us. What would you do with time you spend on upkeep if it were suddenly returned to you? Would you know what to do with it? Without tons of possessions and monthly membership fees you would be surprised how much less you need work to live comfortably, luxuriously, and even to travel extensively. When you have thousands and thousands of dollars worth of bills and maintenance fees it makes it hard to take a day off. How many of those possessions and how many of those bills are truly necessary? What is your goal in life - to be comfortable? or to pursue your dreams and the purposes of your heart? What possessions take you towards your those purposes of heart and which ones are simply the comforts and pleasures of life but that are in and of themselves empty and void?

I have talked to many people as of late who are simplifying their lives and ridding themselves of much of the excess weight they have heaped upon their own shoulders over the years. Even in a slowing, and sometimes dead, economy they have found relief from the stress associated with the upkeep of so many possessions and memberships. They have shared with me that they have found more time to do those things that matter to them in their lives... that they are living better lives and that their health is improving as a result. They are rediscovering their connection to all that is around them. Rediscovering their spirituality...

I sense a deep spiritual movement underlying everything going wrong in our country, and in the world. People are searching for something deeper and trying to find it through the existing corporate structures and ideologies. They are burning themselves out and finally, after all else has failed in many instances, turning to other methods. The movement is more spiritual than religious in nature. Everyone I have talked to as of late is pursuing their spirituality and many are finding peace as a result.

My spiritual journey is taking me to Spain right now. To experience a new paradigm and a new way of life. Going to Spain has allowed me to simplify my life and focus on what matters most - family, intuition, spirituality... It is quite odd that after having been so engaged in the pursuit of success or any other worldly thing that when we actually have time free again we don't know how to fill it. I am still working on that and find myself constantly looking at the moments before me wondering what I could possibly do to fill the time; what could I do that pursues the thoughts of my heart? I am not used to being able to contemplate such things as I usually, at least when in the city, engage myself in activity to the point I can do nothing else and have no time to do anything else.

This week has been a flood of thoughts and learnings but only a small fraction of them are represented here today. I am ready for this change, this adventure, this exploration... It is time I set off into the world again to explore and experience the vast array of humanity surrounding us. Often I think we all see the world as a small and simple place, and in some ways it is, but in many others it is much more vast and diverse than I think we can ever comprehend. It takes a certain openness of mind to understand, comprehend, experience, and fully appreciate the vast uncomprehensive simplicity of it all. Everything is connected and yet it is all separate. We are a unique combination of perfect harmony and simultaneous discord.

Over the next number of months I will share what I can of the experience there and the thoughts which come to me in my explorations of humanity. 

Communicating with Nature

Regardless of whether or not you believe we can communicate with nature I ask that you reflect not upon the story itself or the experience as much as the lessons contained and taught within the words below.


Tonight at about 11:00 pm I took a walk with Aussie, my faithful Australian Cattle Dog (ACD) who is a red-heeler/blue-heeler mix, and walked about a mile down to the end of a snowy road in the dark. As I walked I began to realize how my weight was always slightly forward on my feet and how from the inside I pushed myself slightly against the world in front of me... it was a physical pressure that I could feel from the inside... as if I were pushing everything in front of me out of my way or that I was at least pressed against the pressure of it.

As I recognized that I took a deep breath and slowed my step a tiny bit so I wasn't pushing against the world in front of me... it was as if the trees had a presence to them and I could feel it... I was not simply entering their presence but pushing my way into it. It had a very real feeling to it. Over and over again I slipped back into my faster walk pushing against the world... I realized that this is a lot how I go through life... always pushing the envelope just a little.. trying to do things a little faster in the face of all around me. I realized that I was forcing my way through life instead of simply being in life. I was not truly aware of my surroundings because of my distraction to go and arrive somewhere in the near or distant future.

Upon one such occasion the presence I felt was much larger than myself and I looked up and as I slowed my pace saw the huge pines before me. They must have been there for centuries and then began a dialogue... perhaps you say we cannot speak to trees nor they to us but I disagree... there have been ample studies that show that people who talk to their plants have vastly different, and more successful, gardens than those who do not... I believe that all things are connected, perhaps that is just me, and that all things have intelligence within them and that one intelligence can recognize and communicate with another. To believe that this world is only what we see is in my mind nothing short of ignorant.

But back to the trees... so there I stood looking up at them when the dialogue began...

"I am so small in comparison to you..." I thought.

Words formed in my head "stop moving and stand right there..." 

"Did I just talk to the tree... I guess I did... or at least it's talking to me... So... I am in your forest and you are all much larger than I. I wonder how many people you have seen pass throughout the years and how many of them have ever really stopped to notice you... I will be t not a lot... My people have disregarded you as but a tool and we have considered ourselves better than you... a higher life form... I am sorry for that..."

I felt as if the tree were waiting for me to continue so I did.

"I have been pushing against the presence of all I see and now I would enter your presence. I am curious what you would share with me?" 


I do not believe that nature communicates with us for no purpose and so I believe that this experience has something to teach me... I became quiet and listened as I allowed the presence of the tree to become one with me. I stopped resisting the tree and let it into my heart and soul... there was peace inside and then words formed in my mind... "It is in our independence that we find our connectedness..." My mind instantly went to how each tree grows tall and strives to become all it can and then together they stand to make the forest... and as I contemplated this the words formed again, "Being at home keeps us in fear of the unknown. The moment we step past our front door our world changes. On the road the impossible and the extraordinary become the daily occurrence."

I thought on these sayings and listened for more but there was only a peaceful silence as if the tree had lapsed back into its usual observatory state. After a moment I thanked the tree for the lesson it had taught me and pulled out my journal and wrote it down word for word. I walked peacefully forward and found the walk different from that point on. I even walked forward with my eyes closed for a time to take in the feeling in the air.

After arriving at the end of the road and turning around I walked back slowly. As I past the tree again I looked up these words came to me, "slow down... one is only a sapling once... take in the experience of being a sapling..."

I will endeavor to stop striving against the world from the inside out. I will be here now and let the presence of all around me fuse with my own. I will be as the tree and independent yet a part of, and connected to, all things.